If we consistently disregard our own values and bow down to others’ agendas instead of our own, it takes a toll on us.
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The March 17th episode of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans was about “How to Say No.” The guest was Psychologist Sunita Sah, and her passion is learning, writing about, and practicing defiance. According to Dr. Sah, to defy is “to act in accordance with your true values when there is pressure to do otherwise,” and she has devised a framework to help navigate saying no.
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You are worthy of the life that you want, and you don’t have to say yes to everything in order to remain worthy.
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An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
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“No,” is a complete sentence.
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For most of us, when we need help we don’t care who actually ends up helping us. We just care that we’re helped. So if someone asks us for aid, and we’re not willing or able to do so, giving them a hint of where to go instead is a great way to give a supportive no.
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Sometimes you say no best when you say nothing at all.
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The financial industry is the epitome of hustle culture. And even there, the power of no is being evangelized. No is a tool for everyone.
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When in the midst of a particularly busy season, a soft no is a great method to move the timeline for requests from now to a time in the future.
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In Ed Mylett’s February 13th podcast, he talked about twenty simple daily habits that changed his life. Number 14 on his list was “say no more.” Ed is a self-proclaimed people-pleaser, and he has a hard time saying no. But he states he became a much happier man when he learned how to give a polite, kind, firm no.
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Saying no seems like such a serious action in most of our minds. But sometimes a more lighthearted approach is all we need.
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Many of us avoid saying no and establishing boundaries in our lives because a no is framed as negative. However, baked into many seemingly “negative” boundaries is often a positive way to frame it.
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For many of us, the only time we use our out of office assistant or automatic responses on our email is when we are out of the office on vacation or medical leave and don’t have access to our computers. But these are not the only circumstances when automatic responses are useful.
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If you are truly at your max for the day, using the deprioritization method from time to time can be a way to say no without ever having to utter the word.
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A friend of mine has a rule for herself. If anyone makes a request of her time, her response is, “Let me look at my calendar and get back to you.”
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As a profession, I teach systems of time management. I’ve trained thousands of people at this point, and one of the most consistent friction points in my training sessions occurs when the concept of saying no comes up.
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Warren Buffet is the patron saint of “no.” He famously claims:
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
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Say "no" more. What an easy thing to say. But what a difficult thing to do in our minute by minute experience of a day.
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Here at Focus to Evolve, we consider the act of saying no as one of the four primary meta-skills that are required for that doubling-of-meaningful-output-in-the-same-number-of-hours-worked benefit. We call it a meta-skill, because there is no area of your life that won't improve (dramatically) when you begin to get good at saying no to the things that simply should not be on your plate.
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